adopt a health attitude
Your attitude towards yourself, your life and the world in which you live can play a vital role in your emotional wellbeing. It would seem that people who hold certain rational philosophies tend to be happier, more stable and more creative than others. They also seem to better cope with adversity and are less likely to experience emotional issues such as depression, fear and anxiety. These attitudes might cause you to take more responsibility for yourself, but they should also have you lighten up be more successful and perhaps even become more pleasant to be around.
So what attitudes and philosophies will do this for you? Try these out for size:
value your individuality
It is important to express those aspects of yourself that make you different from others. This can be done in a variety of ways that might include your personal taste in music, your style of dress or your political views. Many people are a little too scared to open themselves up in this way, because they fear the negative reactions and judgments of others. In the long run, hiding your individuality is not usually a helpful strategy to adopt. Instead, you will find that valuing who you are and respectfully expressing your unique individuality is a far better recipe for happiness. By the same token, it is important to tolerate and respect the individuality of other people.
understand that approval is not necessary
Of course it is great to have the approval of others, but disapproval need not be intolerable, nor does it signify the end of the world. Many people believe they are only as worthwhile as others may perceive them to be. You naturally do not wish to completely ignore the opinions of others, however, it is necessary to be able to accept yourself and feel good about yourself, irrespective of what they might think of you. Learning to do this will allow you to better cope with any disapproval that may come your way, and help you maintain a stable, healthy, positive opinion of yourself.
realise that even love is not an essential
It is important to know that you are able to feel good about yourself, even when you are single instead of one half of a couple. A satisfying relationship can, of course, greatly enhance the quality and enjoyment of life, but a romantic partnership is certainly not essential to your happiness.
Rather than to be single, many people can feel compelled to remain in a unhealthy relationship, even an abusive one, believing, on some level, that they are unable to survive alone, or that there is little possibility of them ever finding another partner that will want them. Realising that your basic lovability remains constant, irrespective of whether or not you happen to be in a relationship, can be empowering. Such an understanding will cause you to be more discerning about possible future partners and so prevent you from feeling compelled to go into a relationship that perhaps is not right for you. It will also allow you to feel more secure within an existing romantic relationship.
accept that life is not always fair
Unfortunate things might happen to anyone, including the very nicest and least deserving of people. How often do we hear it said that there is simply no justice in the world? It is, of course, reasonable that you may become quite upset should you have been involved in an accident, broken up from your partner or lost your job. It hardly matters as to whether or not the occurrence was your own fault. Life is not just uncertain, but also frequently unfair. Accepting this hard reality will enable you to more quickly bounce back from difficult events that come along. Fighting it may instead cause you to become stuck in a bad situation.
learn to think flexibly
Usually, a situation does not need to be any particular way. Although things may, of course, be better if they were different, accepting the reality of how they are will help you to save your energies. Your insistence on perfection can only lead to stress and anxiety, while a calm, accepting response will allow you to gently strive for improvement. It might also provide the cool headspace that allows you to find a more creative solution.
assume emotional ownership
It is helpful to remember that you generally feel the way you think. This can be particularly true at those times when difficult events come along to challenge you. Although, in the long run, ruminating creates its own set of problems, it is perhaps important to initially take some time to evaluate the situation. You should then do what needs to be done on a practical level. You may not be able to change the situation itself, but at least to some extent, you are able to change the way you think about it. Doing this will, in turn, impact on the way you feel. So, as best you can, stay present, accepting of reality and be solution-focused. This attitude is about taking responsibility for the way you think and feel, because a calm, positive response will empower you to cope better and to more easily find a creative solution.
put up with uncertainty
The world is an uncertain place. For this reason, it would not only be unrealistic for you to demand guarantees and certainty from life, but it might also be a way of setting yourself up for worry and inactivity. The natural uncertainty of things requires that you live experimentally, and that you take some calculated risks. Doing this will be empowering, and will prove an approach that will both help you to grow as a person and find a greater enjoyment from life. It would be less helpful for you to adopt an approach of putting in place too many safety precautions, of constantly avoiding potentially difficult situations and always looking outside of yourself for reassurance.
be prepared to tolerate some discomfort
Sometimes, a degree of effort or self-sacrifice today can help you to win much greater pleasure tomorrow. Successful people, who are also healthy and robust, are generally able to put up with an amount of short-term denial, discomfort, sometimes even pain. They do this so as to be able to achieve their longer-term goals and aspirations. A little self-discipline now can be an excellent investment in the future.
act in accordance with your value system
It will be beneficial for you to pursue meaningful goals, hobbies and interests that reflect those personal values that are important to you in life. The activities you decide on may well include such things as developing your skills, furthering your education or improving your relationships. They might also involve sport, or even voluntary work in support of a cause that you feel strongly about. It is necessary to structure your diary in such a way as to not only include some general personal time, but also to include such meaningful pursuits.
practice enlightened self-interest
Honour yourself and realise that you are, indeed, worth taking care of. You might think that, by putting others first most of the time, you are doing the right thing. Should you, however, end up suppressing your own needs in the process, you will soon find yourself tired and unhappy; you could even become ill. In the end, you will simply not have very much of yourself left to give.
By adopting a healthy self-interest, you will put yourself first most of the time; and then one or two others (perhaps even a few others) a close second. Practicing such self-interest will enable you to look after yourself the way you need to. It will then enable you to take a keen interest in both the needs of other people and more generally in the world in which you live. In fact, it will allow you to care deeply. Should another person’s need be greater than your own, there may, of course, be times when you take a decision to put his or her situation before yours for a while. (This is part of the reason that your self-interest can remain both ethical and enlightened.)
Read more about ruminating, about avoidance, about fear and anxiety, about dealing with uncertainty and perfectionism. Also learn about the difference between self and other referencing and about unhelpful thinking styles.
Hypnosis and its related disciplines provide a range of excellent techniques and insights to help you to enhance your approach to the world. They can help to heal emotional ills and can serve to lift your self-confidence, increase your enjoyment of life and improve on your effectiveness in the world. Please contact me, should you wish to ask me questions about this article. Alternatively, simply make an appointment to see me.
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As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.
Henry David Thoreau